Please Forgive Me

“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” (Colossians 3:13 NIV)

Recently, in the news there have been numerous sexual harassment and assault charges made against movie producers, directors, actors, and politicians. The responses from the accused have ranged from apologies in one form or another to sheer denial anything untoward occurred.  What no one has said, at least publicly, is, “Please forgive me.” 

This simple request is rarely uttered by Christians or non-Christians today when they have committed an offense against someone else.  The usual response is, “I’m sorry,” and this typically only comes when one is confronted with the fact of a hurtful word or action. 

The problem I have with saying “I’m sorry,” is usually it carries the connotation of the burden of the offense being on the offended. In a way we’re only acknowledging that you think we did something wrong and, thus, we will apologize given that you view it that way.  There is no true admission that I was wrong, only that you think I was.

You may think I am nitpicking, but I have experienced this from both sides—the one who was wronged and the one who wronged someone. My experience with both is that it is much easier to say, “I’m sorry,” than, “Please forgive me.” I recall meeting with a student who was to be one of our leaders for that year who, right before school started, as our student leaders’ retreat was about to start, informed me via a text that she was going to leave our ministry for another one.  No explanation or apology was offered, just that fact.  When we finally met several weeks later, I confronted her on the way she had handled the situation. She immediately became defensive and sought to justify her actions. When I pushed back on her excuses, she exclaimed, “What do you want?  For me to say I’m sorry?  Okay, I’m sorry!”

This is an extreme example where the student was basically unwilling to even apologize, let alone ask for forgiveness.  But I’ve also had students willing to say that they were sorry, but very few to ask for my forgiveness.  To do so is to go against our flesh, which is full of pride. One cannot be prideful and ask forgiveness. It requires humility and that doesn’t come easily or naturally. 

Just recently I had to seek forgiveness from my staff for attitudes this semester that were not glorifying to the Lord and that were discouraging to them. It took me a week to defeat my flesh and do what I knew the Lord was commanding me to do—to say, “Please forgive me” and to acknowledge my sin.

Sadly, it is common in both campus ministries and local churches where people will leave communities or sever relationships—even using the cover of “I feel the Lord leading me”—because they are unwilling to admit they are in the wrong and seek forgiveness, or unwilling to forgive those who have sinned against them. It is our pride that so often stands in the way of true reconciliation.

Today, are you aware you have sinned against someone through what you’ve said or done? If so, are you willing to deny your flesh, your pride, to seek forgiveness? And if you are not aware of any sin you’ve committed against someone, are you willing to seek the Lord to be certain that indeed is the case (Psalm 139:23-24)? The Lord gave us a ministry of reconciliation, to lead others into reconciliation with God, but as Paul implies, that ministry has true power only when we are able to seek forgiveness from others and have a willingness to forgive others who have wronged us. “Please forgive me” needs to be spoken and heard much more often than it is.

© Jim Musser 2017