Once, one of our small groups came out to the house to use our fire pit. I had started the fire before they arrived and had plenty of wood available to keep it going. After only an hour, they came to the door to say they were leaving. Turns out that the fire had died. They had been so into their conversations they had neglected to tend the fire until it was too late.
Fires can only start when there is wood to burn and can only continue to burn when more fuel is added. If they are not maintained, they will quickly die out.
Solomon says the same is true for relational conflicts. They will die down if there is not gossip to fuel them. So often we hear something about somebody from someone else. We accept it as true and accurate and then relay it on to another person. They, in turn, do the same. It is not long before a storyline has developed about someone that may or may not be true, but if true, is likely to contain inaccuracies or exaggerations. And discord grows between people.
The way to stop this is the same way we allow a fire to die: we stop adding fuel. I once heard something about someone that led me to believe I needed to confront them. But before doing so, I went to the original source and sought the details. It turned out the information I had heard was only partially true and the inaccurate details created the wrong impression. I am thankful I made that decision, because it would have been easy just to proceed on what I had originally heard. That’s usually what people do.
I often tell students if they have an issue with someone, then go to that person instead of telling everyone else but them. That is the way to keep the “fire” from getting hotter.
Today, if you hear something unflattering from someone about someone else, think about if you really want to add fuel to the fire by telling someone else what you heard. Perhaps it would be better to just let that fire die.
© Jim Musser 2014
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